Singal-Minded 16 hrs agoLiked by David Cole It’s probably BECAUSE you’re 55, dude! I bitched about some annoying symptoms yesterday and was told “ha! welcome to perimenopause.” I have taken to my fainting couch. Expand full comment |
Certain older definitions of "middle aged" put the range at 40 - 55. Thankfully, the modern range is 45 - 65, so I have ten more years to call myself middle aged. Expand full comment |
I agree with your interpretation of the current customs and definitions. Expand full comment |
>> "so I have ten more years to call myself middle aged." That's contingent on the Ratibor Solution. I can hear Delbert Grady whispering: "I and others have come to a belief that your heart is not in this. That you don’t have the belly for it.” Clock's running, Mr. Cole! Expand full comment |
Jack Torrance didn't have gout. Delbert Grady: "I'm sorry to differ with you sir, but YOU have gout. You've ALWAYS had gout. I should know, sir. I've always been here." Expand full comment |
LOL! Expand full comment |
Let's have a Gout Gala for Dave to raise awareness & get him support for his pain & suffering Expand full comment |
INDEED! Goutfest 2024! We can just reuse banners from the gay film festival "Outfest" and add a "G." Saves money! Expand full comment |
Kate’s Substack 11 hrs agoLiked by David Cole Dave- I thought of you yesterday while stocking up on (probably) useless supplements at the local health food store. I picked up my "Natural Factors- super strength cherry concentrate". It was surrounded by "Gout-Out" and "Gout-Be-Gone" etc. all kinds of products that swear to eliminate uric acid crystals from the body. I have NO idea if any of this crap works, but it might be worth a try! And get a couple of quarts of that Trader Joe's tart cherry juice and try to keep it down! Lad, you are probably detoxifying. Your body's probably in shock from lack of alcohol. That said-- I will ask a couple of my old dude friends who are gout pros if they have any recommendations- besides- No beer! No peanuts! No asparagus! Expand full comment |
I'm doing the tart cherry juice, because lots of people swear by it. Since I do sober months regularly, I always detox in the first two days -- I stay in bed and sweat it out drinking only water. The gout's been a separate deal...no idea what started it in February, but since then I haven't touched ANY gout-unfriendly foods (I never drink beer, even in GOOD times). But I'll get my kidneys tested to make sure nothing "deeper" is going on. Expand full comment |
Kate’s Substack 11 hrs agoLiked by David Cole It's a rough one! Luckily I have never had it, but I do have several friends who go through painful bouts. Mostly males, but 1 gal. All have either heavy drinking or lots beer drinking in common ( but could just be the kinda people I tend to hang w/?) Expand full comment |
Terry’s Substack 12 hrs agoLiked by David Cole Hi Dave! I have said my peace about the gout issue in a reply I made elsewhere in this thread, so I will keep my gob shut about that in this comment. Your column this week illustrates, quite effectively, that many people's interpretation of the right to freedom of speech is subjective and colored by political interest. In my opinion, one of the greatest dangers to our civilization (whatever is left of it) is the abandonment of an agreed upon set of objective standards about justice, rights, and reality. If we can't even agree on which end is up, the social contract is dead, and we are just a bunch of self-interested rent collectors preying upon one another. Expand full comment |
Very nicely put, Terry. Thank you! Expand full comment |
Dave gout is a crystals build up around your joints and they are pointy little bastards that is why it hurts . You can dissolve them by upping your ph. by drinking watered down apple cider vinegar several times a day . any way that's my hillbilly remedy for the day. Slabside Expand full comment |
I've heard others mention apple cider vinegar, which I used to drink often many years ago for immune system boosts. I'm trying tart cherry juice at the moment, but I will definitely keep apple cider vinegar in mind. Expand full comment |
Sorry to hear the gout is back. Haven't had the pleasure of that particular pain and don't have anything helpful to add. But I would go with the ice suggestion. Hope something helps. Another great column. Unfortunately, the people that need to see it won't get it. Having the right to say something doesn't always mean you should open your mouth. You also have the right to STFU. Expand full comment |
"Unfortunately, the people that need to see it won't get it." You can say THAT again! I've seen several illustrations of that today already. Expand full comment |
It only takes that one unhinged follower, just one. What about this do they not understand? I wonder who they blame if someone they love gets caught up in the aftermath? I think we know the answer to that. Expand full comment |
Laws make no sense. Child p*rn is illegal to possess/watch because "owning/watching it is like reabusing the victim." Okay, if you watch a video of Tyrone getting lynched, does that mean YOU lynched Tyrone again? If you watch zoo p*rn, are YOU f*cking the horse too? If you watch a video of Abella Danger getting BLACKED . . . you get the idea. Free Speechers mostly care about protecting racists, but they never protect the pedos who dont touch with their hands and only click with their mouses! You can be black in society, basically everyone loves you, but being a pedo is literally the WOIST thing ever, WOIST than Hitler! Pedos are objectively the most oppressed minority! Be careful, I just cut myself on all that edge. Expand full comment |
Big thanks to David for not deleting my comment, banning me from his substack, using my email to dox me, and then sending me an email that says "but you were juss askin' kwestchins, huh????" Expand full comment |
I only got mad at ONE commenter today...a d-bag who claimed I "made it all up" about puppy-torture fetish video enthusiasts. But he never read the court case that the SCOTUS decision was based on, which discusses that sick community in-depth. D-bag comes onto MY Substack callin' ME a liar? D-bag gets eviscerated. Expand full comment |
Gunther’s Substack 14 hrs agoLiked by David Cole My wife is a proctologist. I´ll ask her about the gout (or "gota", in Brazilian). Expand full comment |
Gunther’s Substack 2 hrs agoLiked by David Cole She sez gout is a rich man´s problem, so the cure is for you to spend all your money. Expand full comment |
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Yeah, I didn't mention the dog because that would've made the piece too heavy with dead dog references. You used to be able to see the footage on LiveLeak...I guess that's the function of Bitchute today, same basic thing. I didn't link to it because Takimag gets enough crap, I don't want us to be Google-blackballed by linking to forbidden footage. Expand full comment |
Need to make a version of the video where after the guy blows his brains out you edit in the famous Looney Tunes ending with Porky Pig going "That's All Folks!" Expand full comment |
Did you ever see this? A late-night drunk video I did during the Friends of Abe days. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By5thxD7VxE Expand full comment |
"Unless I’m coughing up blood or paralyzed from the waist down, I ain’t goin’ to no doctor. Not for gout. I don’t need the bills." Cleetus: You and I... We're not so different after all. Expand full comment |
LOL!!! Expand full comment |
Brian’s Substack 16 hrs agoLiked by David Cole I never had gout, but I did once have a flare up of arthritis in my foot and it was a bitch, could barely walk for a week. A run of prednisone did help. If your pals with any docs they might write you a script. Expand full comment |
My mom was on prednisone for years for her Crohn's Disease, and I recall it had a few side effects. Generally, I try to stay away from meds; but if I keep having a new bout every few months, I doubt I'll have a choice. Expand full comment |
Drink tart cherry juice. It worked great for my father when he would get the gout in his foot Expand full comment |
Yes! Indeed. I'm doing that. Apparently it helps many people with this condition. Expand full comment |
some added sugar. good price. and they do help. Expand full comment |
Kate’s Substack 11 hrs agoLiked by David Cole yeah- prednisone is tricky! I took some for allergic reaction -hives 2 years ago and ended up at urgent care w/ them thinking I had a heart attack. Expand full comment |
Brian’s Substack 16 hrs agoLiked by David Cole It’s a ‘roid, and not something to be on for long. But it can help get you over the hump.. Expand full comment |
My mom would get mood changes...I wonder what 'roids would do to my column? I mean, I'm already plenty ornery. I can't imagine becoming even more so! Expand full comment |
Brian’s Substack 15 hrs agoLiked by David Cole Way back in the day I used to work out in a gym that had some nationally ranked weight lifters, and saw a couple of truly outstanding outbursts of ‘roid rage. You need to become more social, however, so you’d have people to throw sh*t at. Expand full comment |
LOL!!!! Expand full comment |
Myriad’s Substack 16 hrs agoLiked by David Cole Gout can be a real bitch. Even when it isn't "flaring up", it can still be chronic, "forever" joint pain, like the arthritis that it is. I mean... you could always consider following the advice of professionals, even if you don't seek that advice in person, "Ask your doctor if calcium pyrophosphate deposition (CPPD) is right for you!", but yeah, it sucks. Did you ever try the ice? Because in my personal experience, there is no gout attack that cannot be relieved by freezing your foot until it's totally numb. It's not a cure, (although I swear it shortens the attack- inflammation is pain, and ice reduces inflammation) but it is relief, enough to be able to walk around like normal for a while (which I also think helps) without it being complete agony. Of course, I continue to drink, and that surely helps too. A few screwdrivers, some Motrin, and my foot in a bucket of ice and water, and I'm ready to dance the night away... ok, maybe not, but as soon as it starts hurting again, right back in the ice bath! Best of Luck! Cheers! Expand full comment |
Well, because this flare-up is happening during a sober month, I'm doing Advil several times a day (generally I never like mixing drugs with booze, but that's not an issue right now), and it's helping. If the pain persists, though, I'll definitely try ice! Thanks, Mike. Expand full comment |
Myriad’s Substack 15 hrs agoLiked by David Cole Trust me, it works every time! Expand full comment |
60% of the time…it works every time. Expand full comment |
Myriad’s Substack 13 hrs agoLiked by David Cole 90% of all statistics are made up on the spot, and the other 20% are outright lies! Expand full comment |
Yes to RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation). Game Ready makes adding heat an option, too. Expensive to buy. Still expensive to rent. But insurance, maybe. "Cold plunging." There may be studios offering this in your area. Ditto far infrared sauna. & hyperbaric oxygen. Ideas. Trial & error is most of the ice berg. Expand full comment |
Allopurinol is the way to go. Expand full comment |
A thousand words would not convey the pain as well as Dave's illustration of his flaming feet! There's a drink for that. Flaming toe? Try the Flaming Moe! It was actually created by Homer Simpson and named the Flaming Homer, but Moe stole the recipe, which became his bar's most popular drink. In a highball, stir: 1 oz brandy 1 oz peppermint schnapps 1 oz sloe gin 1 oz blackberry liquor 1 oz strawberry juice Gently pour on top: 1/4 oz high proof gin ( the kind found in Dave's medicine cabinet) Light on fire. Garnish with eyebrows. This 4th you want to light something up, so give it a try. Until then, Dave, take a Pamprin. Expand full comment |
Excellent points in your column in Takimag. I have always loved the story "The Cask of Amontillado." Expand full comment |
Thanks! I first read Cask in elementary school. I sincerely doubt that L.A. public schools teach that level of lit anymore in k-through-6, and I doubt any of the kids could even read it, as Poe didn't write in Spanish. Expand full comment |
IDK Do we really know what orifices those toes have been in or around? But wholeheartedly, it seems like a acid levels and kidney function (along with weight and diet) Causes Gout occurs when urate crystals accumulate in your joint, causing the inflammation and intense pain of a gout attack. Urate crystals can form when you have high levels of uric acid in your blood. Your body produces uric acid when it breaks down purines — substances that are found naturally in your body. Expand full comment |
Since the first bout I have been exceptionally careful regarding diet. I've certainly not had a weight problem this year - I went down a full waist size from January to March. Other than booze, I don't eat/drink anything "risky" for gout. Nothing purine-rich, period. Christ, I haven't had fresh seafood or "organ meat" or lamb/veal/venison in YEARS, and I cut out all sugary/fructose crap. Expand full comment |
Time to get tested for HIV, I mean CKD! Gout can be a warning sign of kidney disease. If you have gout, ask your doctor if you should be tested for kidney disease. Expand full comment |
And here I've been only monitoring my liver. Damn! Expand full comment |
Terry’s Substack 12 hrs agoLiked by David Cole Dave, thanks to a lab test I did when I was 25, I discovered I had elevated uric acid levels even then, BUT I did not have my first gout attack until my late 40s. I take allopurinol for it daily and very seldom have a flair up. The stuff is cheap, and it doesn't give me side effects. However, you really must know what shape your renal function (kidneys) is in before anything else as there may be other things going on. What you don't want is to be crippled and unable to help yourself. Please consider seeing a doctor. A simple lab test will most likely answer most of your concerns and give you the data you need for a game plan. None of this is my business, but you matter, and I would feel like a piece of sh*t if I at least didn't give you some encouragement. Expand full comment |
I genuinely appreciate it, Terry. I really do. I do see my doctor regularly to monitor my liver (it's the only medical bill I countenance, because as an alky I understand the need to stay on top of those liver numbers). I will absolutely ask for kidney tests during the next visit. That's a promise! Expand full comment |
Kate’s Substack 11 hrs agoLiked by David Cole Dave-- I get it-- but really-- the liver is not the only organ that gets damaged from too much booze! The gray matter matters a lot!! I am seeing someone I know well, (and care for) losing their words and short term memory- way too early in life! Words and wit are your stock and trade! Treasure them!!! Expand full comment |
There should make a gout awareness month. A parade with cranberry juice and pills. And tons of wheel chairs to easy travel. What would be the flag? Expand full comment |
A big red throbbing Fred Flintstone foot! Expand full comment |
The red foots rolling down the straße Expand full comment |
LOL!!!! Expand full comment |
